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Domestic Violence, Abusive Relationships
There is an epidermic currently ravaging homes, marriages and relationships generally. Its devastating effects are all over the news. It was recently reported that one Bilyaminu Yusuf, was allegedly stabbed by his wife, Murjanatu, during a quarrel in their home at the Tudun Wada area of Gusau, Zamfara State.
Few days before that, news also had it that another Bilyaminu Muhammed Bello, the son of a former PDP (Peoples Democratic Party) Chairman, Dr. Haliru Bello, was allegedly murdered by his wife, Maryam Sanda who was said to have stabbed him multiple times on his chest, shoulder, and inner thigh at their Maitama residence on the night of 18th November, 2017. The reason for the alleged murder was infidelity as the wife alleged that the deceased was cheating on her.
Outside Nigeria, domestic violence is also wrecking devastating havoc. Thus it was also reported that one Norbert Chikerema allegedly used numerous weapons, including an axe to stab his wife, Nyasha Kahari, a mother of four, at least 40 times in Marston Green of United Kingdom over suspected infidelity.
From the above instances, it can be established that domestic violence does not respect gender, race, tribe, or location.
What Is Domestic Violence, Abusive Relationships:
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior which involves violence and other forms of abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. Domestic violence can also be referred to as domestic abuse, battering, or family violence.
It can be physical (violence) or psychological (e.g. Verbal and Emotional). Domestic abuse occurs whenever one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to manipulate or dominate and control the other person.
Domestic Violence, Abusive Relationships Tools:
Abusers in relationships use the following tools to gain and maintain total control over the abused:
Fear,humiliation, isolation, guilt, shame, intimidation, dominance, threat to hurt, and hurt itself.
The disturbing part is that one can be either an abuser or the abused without knowing it!
Signs Of Domestic Violence, Abusive Relationships
- Excessive possessiveness and jealousy
- Being afraid of your partner
- Humiliating and belittling your partner in any way
- Suicide threats from the abuser
- Threatening to kill your partner
- Being violent toward a partner, including forceful sexual intercourse
- Emotional abuse to erode self-worth and independence, mostly verbal. Etc
Domestic violence is life threatening. Therefore, the abused, in order to save his or her life, is advised to immediately leave the environment of abuse, as soon as possible, once physical violence is involved. Therefore, physical separation is advised when violence is involved. This can make a huge difference between life and death.
There is no need to keep quiet and wait for situations to get out of hand when one is being physically abused in a relationship. Speaking out is key to survival. Speak to the right people and get help before it is too late.
In an abusive relationship, irrespective of the nature of the abuse-whether psychological or physical; there is need to get professional help by both the abuser and the abused.
The following help lines and centers are available for people within Lagos and its environs. I believe that people who need help outside Lagos State can also contact the centers.
Project Alert on Violence Against Women
17/21 Akinsanya Street off Isheri Road,
Office of the Public Defender
Lagos State Ministry of Justice,
2/8 Iyun Street (Barracks Bus-stop),
By National Stadium.
Lagos State Ministry of Women Affairs
Lagos State Secretariat, Alausa-Ikeja,
Child Abuse Help Lines: 08085753932, 08102678442
Media Concern Initiative
15A Bolodeoku Crescent, Dideolu Estate,
By Sweet Sensation, Ijaiye Road,
Tel: 01-8944915, 08058208164
The Sexual Assault Referral Centre,
Department of Family Medicine,
Lagos State University Teaching Hospital,
Ikeja-Lagos Tel: 08056268573
Women Empowerment and Legal Aid
25, Adekunle Fajuyi Way,
GRA Ikeja, Lagos.
08021063232, 08120799122, 08058143602
Women Advocate Research and Documentation Centre (WARDC)
9B James Oluleye Crescent,
Off Adeniyi Jones Street,
Another Chance Women’s Home
Funke Felix-Adejumo Foundation
Tel: 08035066656, 08180299999