Open and honest communication in relationship is basic for its survival.

In the early years of our marriage, when we have misunderstandings and my husband feels offended, most times he won’t say what his annoyance was. Rather, he would assume that I know what got him offended. I, on the other hand will also feel that if he is offended at something I did, he should say it straight away and stop ‘acting.’ I have always believed in people saying what is in their minds.

No need storing up offences in one’s mind. Before you know it, “tension” would start building up between us. During this tensed period, we would be officially relating (talking and even having sexual intimacy) with ourselves but we know we were not connecting. This can last for a few days before we finally resolve whatever is the source of the misunderstanding. in the course of resolving the misunderstanding, we would discover in most of the cases that what actually got my husband offended was not even what I thought. In some cases, due to delayed reconciliation, the initial issue would metamorphose and give birth to multiples (twins and triplets).


This continued until we consciously told ourselves that neither of us is a mind reader. Therefore neither of us will ever know what is going on in the other person’s mind. We frankly told ourselves that the best way to resolve disputes is that whosoever is hurt must let it out to the other party. We also agreed to resolve all issues before the end of each day by speaking out and not keeping the issues within. When we initially made that decision, it wasn’t quite easy abiding by it totally because we still occasionally had to “carry over” issues till the next day. However, with time and constant practice, we improved. Today, I can’t remember the last time we had to wait till the next day before resolving any misunderstanding.


Communication is the act of conveying information for the purpose of a shared understanding.

Active listening is an essential aspect of effective communication in relationship. Active listening requires genuine interest in the other person with full nonverbal involvement. Try and maintain eye contact while communicating. Avoid folded arms and loud voices.

In effective communication, how you say something can be more important than what you say. So, be mindful of your body language as well as that of your partner.

Stay focused on the present discussion and avoid unwarranted arguments. When arguments occur, try and control the situation and calm yourselves down. If it’s getting out of hand, find a way to politely end the discussion and revisit the issue when both of you are better off. Don’t hide or bottle up your emotions. Understand and express your emotions in simple, sincere and non-judgemental ways. Honesty and openness enhances communication a lot.

Be open and sincere to yourselves and avoid lies.

By the way, the “make up extra-curricular” activities in “za oza room” is usually worth the “quarrel”


Open and unhindered channel of communication is very vital for the success of any relationship. For effective and efficient communication to occur between couples, each of the partners has to conquer self-ego and false assumption.  Instead of assuming that your spouse knows why you are unhappy, why don’t you tell him/her and save yourselves unnecessary tension and stress.

Your views and comments are highly welcome.


  1. Hehehehehehe…..Za Oza room things!!!! However, nothing works like proper communication in Marriage. Talk, talk and talk. However, the timing of the tall and the ambiance should be right. Communication involves stating your part as succinctly as you can. You must be clear and use words devoid of abuse or insult. Point to the matter and not the personality. The other person must not interrupt while the first is talking. Rather, he or she must listen. In fact, listening is more important than talking. When you listen, you will get to know facts from fiction. You will get to understand and at the end of the day, it might turn out there is no need for the dispute in the first place. Please always talk….but most importantly; always listen.

    1. Great perspective! Effective communication is actually a two-way thing: the talking and the listening. The issue of “timing” that you raised can really make a huge difference in how effective communication can be between couples. Impressive! Keep it coming!

  2. The fact that communication strengthens relationship cannot be overemphasized

    Any relationship without effective communication can hardly stand the test of time

  3. Tanx for the information.but Wat if u have communicated ur issues very gently at a good time but your partner keeps brushing ur views aside?and tells you you are paranoid.Wat shld you do in situations like dat?

    1. I will suggest you review your position and approach on those issues and also try to objectively look at the issues from your partner’s perspective. Please do these with an open mind. After you have done these, then whatever conclusion you reach, make another attempt at having a heart to heart talk with your partner.During the talk, let your partner know that you appreciate his/her position and concern on that issue. You do this by expressing your balanced opinion of your partner’s position. Acknowledge where your partner is right.
      I believe that by the time both of you objectively look at the issue with open minds, you and your partner will reach an agreement on that particular issue. I wish you the best. Thank you for visiting. Keep it up.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.