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The right choice of a marriage partner can be quite challenging. I consider choosing a marriage partner as one of the most important decisions in the life of anyone that intends to get married.
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
Success in marriage requires high level of agreement between couples. It is true that opposites are said to attract. That can be true in gender and charged poles. However, when it comes to marriage, similarity in values and interests enhances success and leads to reduced friction and conflict.
When you and your intending marriage partner share several common interests and similarities, it enhances your communication.
Compatibility in relationship is the state in which the partners are able to coexist and function or work together without problems or conflict. Couples who get along well and enjoy spending time together show compatibility.
The following are some of the areas of compatibility to consider before you proceed to courtship and finally commit your heart for a lifetime relationship:
- Spiritual compatibility: Spiritual compatibility means having the same spiritual or religious belief with your intending partner. Please note that spiritual compatibility does not mean attending the same church (although that is desirable). Man, as a spirit being, is deeply influenced by religion and spirituality. Your actions and inaction are greatly influenced by your belief system. I consider spiritual compatibility as the most important in determining the stability and success of a marriage. When you and your intending spouse are spiritually compatible, you have less issues to settle and even when disputes erupt, they are easily settled because both of you have similar approach and understanding to it. God Himself knows how important this is to the success and well being of your marriage that He even instructed us in the Bible as follows:
2 Corinthians 6:14 King James Version (KJV) says:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? For instance, as a Christian man or lady, if you intentionally get yourself unequally yoked with an unbelieving partner, you might end up creating a lifetime battle for yourself, except God intervenes.
- Intellectual compatibility: This is the way you think about and discuss ideas. studies show that intellectual compatibility in a relationship is a huge indicator of long-term success and, eventually, happiness in marriage. Do you connect with your intending partner at the same or similar level? Research also shows that when IQ (Intelligent Quotient) scores are within the same general range, there is more stability in the marriage. Partners with similar intelligence understand themselves better and communicate better.
- Financial compatibility: This is not really about how much money you have, but about how you view and handle money. What are your expenditure patterns? Also, what are your views on mutual consent regarding certain levels of expenses? Your answers to these questions helps you to know how financially compatible you and your intending partner are.
- Compatibility in values and interests: Your character is a reflection of your value system. Your value system reflects in almost all areas of your life, including your dressing, choice of music, friends you keep, books you read, music and your general standard. If you have extremely opposing value systems with that of your intending partner, you will have frequent quarrels and will be irritating yourselves more often. This could lead to one partner feeling either controlled or rejected.
- Dispute resolution patterns: Are you the type that prefers private or quiet way of dispute resolution while your partner prefers to call for a village meeting over every little issue?
- Personality type: What are your temperaments? It is true that your temperaments can be influenced by your environment and exposures, yet, knowing your basic temperaments and those of your intending partner helps both of you to understand yourselves better.
- Responsibilities in marriage: Do you share similar views on family responsibilities? Do you believe in division of labour and compromise where and when needed?
- Sexual expectations: Consideration and understanding is the key.
Research shows that success in marriage does not only depend on how compatible you are but on how you deal with your areas of incompatibility.
There is nothing like a perfectly compatible couple, but how you handle your areas of incompatibility also determines how successful your marriage will be. Just know that there is no hard and fast rule to success in marriage. Create hypothetical scenarios and discuss the compatibility areas given above. Compromise where you need to and then stick with what works for you!