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While growing up and maturing from a girl into a young woman, I crushed on different guys at different stages of my life (smiles: yes I did). My interest and crush over these guys (boys) kept changing as I got older and more matured.
In my early womanhood, during my early years at the university, I had a male friend who I considered then to be my perfect taste of “Mr. Right”. This guy had “all” I wanted in a relationship and we got along pretty well. He gave me more than enough green light in the relationship and I began nursing interest in the relationship moving to the next level.
However, my presumed “Mr. Right” kept giving me green light but never said a word towards committing to a serious relationship. During this period, I had some suitors who were ready for serious relationship but my mind was on my presumed “Mr. Right” who refused to say a word in that line.
Few years later, I graduated from the university and went for my NYSC Programme, were I met my husband. He proposed to me towards the end of our service year.
When I came back from NYSC, not married yet but already in a serious relationship with my husband, my presumed “Mr. Right” called but then I had lost interest and had moved on.
Reflecting on this story and the likes, I ask:
Why do some men find it very difficult to ‘toast’ girls they love?
Toasting, as used here, means wooing a lady, in order to win her heart for a long term committed relationship.
The bible, our culture and the society puts the responsibility of the finding (wooing) a lady on the man.
Proverbs 18:22 says:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord .”
From my experiences and interactions, here are some tips on how to ‘toast’ and get a positive response from a girl you admire:
- Observe her: You might have known her before or you might be meeting her for the first time, but taking a little time to observe her (not necessarily steering at her) will help you to know how best to approach her.
- Approach her: The approach shouldn’t be formal. Rather, informally initiate a conversation with her on simple neutral issues.
- Introduce yourself: As you chat her up, you can then introduce yourself in the process without sounding too formal. If the conversation is going as expected, she would naturally introduce herself also. If that happens, nobody needs to tell you to keep her name in your memory and call her by her name if need be as the conversation continues.
- Complement her appearance: We ladies love it when men complement us. So, don’t forget to complement her looks or dressing.
- Get her contact: Try and get her contact before you disperse. If she gives you her contact (phone number), it means she is ready to give a relationship with you a chance.
- Be bold but don’t be too serious: During the conversation, explore your humor side if you have one.
- Keep in touch with her: After this initial meeting, keep in touch with her.
- Build friendship: I assume both of you are just getting to know yourselves. So, don’t rush things if you don’t want to mess things up. Rather, take some time to build friendship with her and also get to know yourselves better.
- Ask her out on a date: After building friendship to some level, asking her out on a date wouldn’t be difficult. So ask her out on a date.
- Keep sex out of the equation: I advice you keep sex out of the relationship because involving sex would becloud your reasoning and can also mess things up.
- Solidify friendship: If things are going as planned and both of you are finding each other compatible enough for a lifetime relationship, then your friendship will be solidified and this increases your chance of getting a “yes” when you eventually propose to her
- Propose to her: If you are convinced of the relationship, then propose to her.
I bet she would not say “no” if you have played your card well and she has also been responding.
However, if she gives you a negative answer, the worst has not happened. Life continues and if truly sex was not involved, you will find it easier to move on and continue with your life until you find the right woman for you.
The situation whereby the girl in question is already known to you, maybe as a family friend, then gently proceed to build more friendship and make your intention known to her.