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My husband and I wrote this post on how to maximize sexual intimacy in marriage, together, to ensure that both the husband’s and the wife’s perspectives were adequately covered.
Sexual intimacy is a very sensitive and one of the most important factors in a marriage. It sits top among the things that can cause conflict or even lead to divorce in a marriage. It is not strange to hear complaints from one of the quarreling or divorcing spouses that she/he is either not getting enough sex or not getting the expected satisfaction during intimacy.
In simple terms, the quantity and quality of sexual intimacy among married couples play a major part in sustaining marriages. In fact sex is one of the major pillars of marriage. Unfortunately, factors like religious and cultural backgrounds, coupled with the intimate and secretive nature of sex means that the subject of sex and the associated challenges are rarely discussed openly by couples. By the time the associated challenges come to the fore, it is always too late. Sex ought to be an enjoyable activity between married couples. The benefits and satisfaction must be mutual. Therefore, couples must deliberately seeks means of maximizing their sexual lives. Maximizing sexual intimacy in a marriage requires deliberate and intentional planning, tact, attitude and actions.
Here are some factors that can help married couples to achieve a rewarding sexual experience. These are not by any means exhaustive. They are not cast in stone. Couples can always create exciting ways to maximize their sexual intimacy. Therefore, the following list is just a guide.
How to maximize Sexual Intimacy in marriage:
- Build friendship and intimacy: I believe that real sex is sweeter and better when had with a friend you married. Those who always admonish that we marry our friend are always right in my view. Sexual intimacy is not an isolated part of your life as a couple. The level of friendship and intimacy between a husband and wife rubs off on most areas of their lives, including sex. As the saying goes “a friend in need is a friend indeed”. A friend, who is also your spouse will ensure that your sexual needs and satisfactions are met. He or she would selflessly immerse him or herself into the act. The truth is that sexual intimacy involves both the process and the act. The quality of friendship will ensure that the process leading to the actual sex and aftermath is blissful. In fact, friendship is the lubricant of quality sex among couples. Therefore, friendship and intimacy between you and your spouse will affect both the process and act of your sex.
- Talk sex (Sex Talk): Talking does a lot of magic in all areas of relationships, including sex. Talk about your sex life. Discuss your sexual fantasies, things and spots that turn you on sexually, where and how you don’t like to be touched (things that turn you off). Talk “dirty”. Some people believe that talking about sex, even if between couples, is dirty or sinful. This is not correct. Nothing should be too dirty, secretive, shameful or intimate to be talked about between couples. Tell your spouse how you want it and how you want to give it to him or her. Your spouse should be more familiar with your private parts than your underwear!!!
- Discuss and deal with your sexual biases: this is somehow related to the preceding paragraph. It still involves talking. People have different orientations, expectations and biases when it comes to sex. This is largely due to cultural and religious backgrounds. Some aspects of these biases have to do with different positions on sex and different sexual practices. For instance, one of the partners may be comfortable with only the missionary position while the other partner loves to explore other positions. One partner may see oral sex as a no go area while the other partner sees nothing wrong in exploring it. These are things you discuss as a couple. Rather than imposing your view on the other person, you should reason with him or her. For instance, if you are a person who believes that oral sex is not sinful, it will be wrong to force your spouse into it when he/she thinks otherwise. The best approach is to reason with the other person. Research on the matter including religious books with a view to educating your partner on the safety or otherwise of the act. Approach the matter with an open heart. Perhaps the other person needs to be convinced about the matter. Be patient and deliberate about it all and the result will be amazing.
- Plan and schedule sex: This may sound archaic and old fashioned but it does help. You can agree with your spouse to have sex every other day, three times a week, twice a week or whatever frequency that works for BOTH of you. Scheduling sex doesn’t really remove the spontaneity of the process because you can still have sex on days that are off your schedule. However, scheduling it makes you both to be deliberate and intentional about it. Scheduling also builds expectation, which on itself is a form of turn on.
- Be considerate: Consider each other’s sexual libidos, availability, age, orientation, strength, health, emotion and other factors: You and your spouse obviously have different libidos. One of you may want it more frequently than the other. This is where compromise comes in. Consider each other’s libidos and availability, then reach a compromise to accommodate yourselves and create a pattern that works for both of you. There may be time and period when either of you may not be available for sex. Being able to understand and hold back on your sexual desire for this brief period is part of consideration.
- Foreplay: Foreplay can help you and your spouse to reach orgasm and enjoy a robust sex life. During foreplay, find out the g-spot of your partner. Women tend to need more foreplay than men. Explore what works for you both, no need for pressures.
- Reduce your stress and avoid unnecessary pressures: High level stress can impact you sex life negatively. So, consciously reduce your daily stress.
- Exercise: Regular exercise helps, not only your sex life, but other areas of your general well being. However, there are special exercises that can help your sex life. These include: kegels, pelvic lifts, push-ups, lunges, squats, cardio, etc.
As I said at the beginning, this is just guides. You can add others. The aim is to have mind-blowing sexual encounters with your spouse. Married life is meant to be enjoyed and sex within it, even more. There is the concern that sex in marriage suffers from the danger of becoming boring and routine. This should not happen. Sex is marriage can be an unending lifelong pleasures. This can only happen if couples put their minds to it.
Share your thoughts at the comment section.