When I was yet to get married, I fantasized a lot about my marriage. Most of those fantasies reflected some of the things we see in romantic movies.
It is great to fantasize about having a good, successful and lasting marriage.
However, building a good and lasting marriage goes beyond fantasies and watching romantic movies.
It takes continues and consistent hard-work to build a good and lasting marriage. Making your marriage work goes beyond love at first sight.
What Do Foundations And Pillars Of Good And Lasting Marriages Mean?
Foundations and pillars are what determines the strength of a building.
Any building with shady, loose and shaky foundations and pillars will hardly stand the test of time.
Why Do We Need Foundations And Pillars Of Good And Lasting Marriages?
Two people from different backgrounds with different temperaments get married mostly because they love each other. Romantic love is important in initiating a marriage but not enough in building and sustaining a good and lasting marriage.
If romantic love was all that is needed to build a good and lasting marriage, then there won’t be high rate of separations and divorces as we have these days.
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Therefore, it takes combined efforts of both the man and the woman to make it successful and lasting. Successful and lasting marriage is not just built on sacrifice but on mutual compromise.
The following foundations and pillars are great in building a lasting and successful marriage:
Foundations And Pillars Of Good And Lasting Marriages:
- Love and Commitment: Commitment is the quality of being dedicated to a cause. Commitment in relationship restricts your actions and makes you totally accountable to your spouse. True love makes you remain committed to your spouse even in the midst of challenges.
- Integrity: Integrity means having high moral principles. It is what makes you keep to your marriage vows and remain faithful to your spouse even when no body is watching you.
- Trust and Honesty: Your trust in your spouse will make you belief and have confidence in him/her. Trust is not built in a day. It is a product of daily, weekly and yearly activities.
- Mutual Respect: Respect is a positive feeling or action shown towards someone you value. Respect in marriage should not be one-sided, if not, it would no longer be respect but fear. However, it should be mutual and reciprocal.
- Effective Communication: Continues and effective communication lubricates your union and helps to solidify your friendship. Where there is no proper communication, malice thrives and issues linger, creating avoidable crises in marriage. Properly communicate your fantasies, strengths, weaknesses, expectations, disappointments and aspirations to your spouse.
- Forgiveness: Mistakes are part of life and forgiveness is very vital for both your emotional and mental health. Free practice of acts of forgiveness Keeps malice away and preserves your marriage. The sooner you choose to forgive each other, the faster you move your marriage forward.
- Patience and Endurance: Marriage can be risky and unpredictable. Sometimes you get more than you bargained for in marriage through delays and unforeseen circumstances. So, you need plenty patience and endurance to successfully scale through.
- Sexual Faithfulness: Sexual intimacy in marriage goes beyond just the physical act. When a man showers affection on his wife, he receives great sex in return! Yes. Affection works for the wife and prepares her for a great sexual experience with her husband. When couples deprive themselves of affection and sexual intimacy, they make themselves vulnerable to sexual unfaithfulness and infidelity. Understanding the love language of your spouse helps in maximizing sexual intimacy in marriage. Sexual faithfulness in marriage is a product of trust and integrity. It is one of the best gifts you could give to your spouse and it is a vital pillar for lasting marriages. Even if you have been sexually unfaithful to your spouse in the past, it is not too late to start rebuilding trust in your marriage.
- Humility: Belittling your spouse and feeling superior is a form of emotional abuse and does no marriage any good. You didn’t do your spouse a favour by getting married to him/her. Pride brings contempt, removes vulnerability, which is vital in marriage and creates a barrier in your union. Trash the pride before it trashes your marriage.You are not too big to make a mistake. So feel free to use the magic words such as: “I am sorry”, “Please”, “Excuse me”, “Pardon me”, and “Thank you”. Embrace humility and build your marriage.
- Selflessness: When you marry someone, you have agreed to share your entire life and being with the person. Don’t be selfish. Be considerate, selfless and empathetic.